Subject: Thanks a lot (1/7/02)
Q. Hi John,
Thanks for your site. I was so
terrified about HIV infection recently because I got a cold in early December,
and it was really bad. I gave unprotected oral sex this summer and I had
unprotected oral/anal sex with another guy this summer as well (I received anal
sex and gave oral sex). When I had anal sex, the guy fucked me briefly,
then I made him put on a condom when I came to my senses. Well in my
first encounter I got sick immediately afterwards. But after the second encounter
I didn't get sick. So I got really sick early in December and I freaked
out! In fact, this cold was accompanied by nosebleeds, I got really
scared. Then I heard about ARS, and I said, “Holy shit, I could have
HIV!” These two sexual encounters were the only two encounters I had in
my whole life. So is my chance of infection low?
A. Well, there are a few factors you left out, but I would say
your chances of infection are low, but not non-existent. As for the sicknesses you’ve had, I would
doubt those are ARS symptoms since ARS doesn’t usually appear as a “cold”, at
least not with typical cold symptoms like runny-nose and coughing, but the only
way to know for sure is to be tested.
Getting sick immediately following an exposure or a few months later is
not common at all, and very likely is not related to HIV. You also have to consider the likelihood if
your partner was in fact HIV positive?
Did you discuss this with him?
What did you know about his sexual history? Did you believe him? Did
you have cuts or sores in your mouth?
Did he cum in your mouth? Did
you notice any pre-cum? These are all
factors that may affect the risk level.
Performing unprotected oral sex on a man and a brief unprotected anal
sex encounter are relatively low-risk, but not no risk. If you are concerned, enough time has
probably elapsed for you to get tested.
Getting tested should alleviate your fears and is much better than
wondering “what if”. From what you’ve
said, I would say the odds are definitely in your favor, but the best thing
would be to go get tested.
You mention
that these were the first sexual encounters in your life, which may be adding
to your anxiety. I’m assuming that
you’ve just recently began “coming out of the closet” and probably have a lot
of apprehension about being gay and what gay sex is all about. Just remember being gay and having HIV are
not synonymous. I went through a
similar experience myself. The first
time I had anal sex with a guy, I used no protection at all. Despite the fact that I knew his sexual
history and trusted that he was as sex naïve as I was, I became nervous about
HIV and felt the need to get tested, which I did. I guess at that time, I was still convinced myself that being gay
meant not asking if I would get HIV but when.
I’m not even sure from your question if you are having problems being
gay, or if you’re even gay at all (you didn’t mention your gender in your
question), but I felt I should hop on that soap box for a moment :-). Hope things turn out well for you, and feel
free to let me know.